I am a cautious knitter. I swatch, I read patterns all the way through. Knitting appeals to my need to plan, to organize, to do things well. But I missed one crucial measurement years ago that is still haunting today’s knitting. First, some background without crossing too far into “overshare” territory: I wear a size 36C bra.
Mistake #1: In late 2003, I got a great deal on some Classic Elite Lush to make a turtleneck. Reviewing the sizes available in the pattern, I select the medium, with a finished chest size of 36″ that takes ten skeins. I buy my ten skeins.
Mistake #2: The Ebay seller ships my order twice, and says “keep the extra ten skeins” when I offer to return the yarn – so nice! Shortly thereafter, I receive the Spring 2004 issue of Interweave Knitts, and am completely smitten with Veronik Avery’s lovely cardigan, Salt Peanuts. Coincidentally, Elann, yarn purveyor to the stars, has the specified yarn on sale. I come up with the idea to sell the extra ten skeins of Lush and buy the Salt Peanuts yarn with the proceeds. I sell the extra ten skeins of Lush.
Mistake #3: Reviewing the sizes available in the Salt Peanuts pattern, I select the 37 1/2″ finished chest size because of course, I am 36″ around, and purchase my 19 balls of Muench Bergamo – I got an extra, because you don’t want to run out.
Last week, considering the purchase of a sweater from a seller affiliated with that distinguished retailer EBay, I asked Knit One Purl Too’s fitting specialist (my husband) to measure my chest.
Have you guessed what happens next?
40 inches around. When they measure you for a bra, the measurement is around your ribcage below your breasts, not including them – why did I not remember that? Let me say that again for those of you who may not fully understand the magnitude of my blunder: The measurement does not include your breasts.
So let’s review: Unbeknownst to me, I order not enough yarn for my first sweater. I receive a second free shipment that gives me the appropriate quantity, plus some. I knit not one but two pieces of sweater #1 in the wrong size. I sell the free yarn, and buy not enough yarn for another sweater. No, I’m not kidding.
If I break the YNBA, you’ll know why. Actually, here’s what I’ve decided to do. My birthday is too far away (May) to reasonably call any pre-April yarn purchase a gift. Are you familiar with the term Shabbos Goy, a Gentile who does things on behalf of observant Jews who must keep the Sabbath as a day of rest? Should I use up all of the Lush before March 24 (God, I hope so), I will press my husband into service as Knit One, Purl Too’s yarn goy, to click the button marked “order” so I can buy two more skeins of Lush and finish my sweater. He has said he will only do this if I publicly admit that I’ve asked him to, so there you go.
Sigh; I enter into this plan with the utmost respect for both observant Jews and the YNBA. Also, no breasts were harmed in the making of this entry, though I did bang my head against the desk in frustration several times at my boneheaded stupidity.